Wednesday, February 01, 2006

For a Birthmother...

I have already written one post today and I feel the need to write another one.

I always thought I could grasp the absolute pain a birthmother must go through giving up a child for adoption. I thought I could put myself in her shoes being an adopted child. I never held onto anger towards my birthmom, I never held onto resentment, hostility, sadness.... Before I met her I knew she must have loved me so much to be able to give me up. I knew that because that is what my mom always told me.

When I would think about my birth mom before meeting her, she was this anonymous person who maybe looked like me, talked like me, sang like me... or rather I talked like her, looked like her or sang like her. I thought I was able to see the pain she went through, but as I get older the more I realize I could try but never succed there.

Recently I got lucky by having a birth mom stop by the blog here and write me a note. At first I was suprized... my ranting here was pretty much for me and of course the few friend of mine who were bribed to read it. I did not think anyone else came by, but there was Kim.Kim dropping me a note. So I went and read through her blog, and then through the blogs of other birth mothers on her site and I have never felt so unprepared for the feelings I was reading about. I am not sure I can truely explain, but something in me kinda broke... and not in a bad way.

All this time, 33 years, I thought wow must have been hard for my birth mom. But that statement does not even come close to what it must have been like for her.

Well I guess this is my really long winded way of saying thanks to Kim.Kim for her honesty and for dropping by here.

*HUGS*

~E

3 Comments:

Blogger petunia said...

Kim kim's is a good blog to begin with. She is honest about her feelings about all that she went through and continues to go through. I am also adopted and could have written the beginning of this posting. I never thought much about my BM until i was in my 30s. I had to meet her just to see what she looked like, know the story behind my birth and see if i had 1/2 siblings. I had to meet my BF too. I really don't have a lot of desire to have a relationship. It's funny though what we think in our head about them before we meet.
You will read all sorts of things on these blogs - from all points of the adoption triangle. It goes to show you how different we all are.

2/02/2006  
Blogger kim.kim said...

Thank you for this, it was so nice to see it here.

2/07/2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. I just meandered to this site while surfing birthmother sites. You have an honest, breezy writing style and this is a great little post. I am an adoptee AND a birthmom. Had a painful, dehumanizing, life changing non-reunion with my birthmom years ago but I look forward to a peaceful, healing re-connection with my daughter someday...on her terms. It's all about power, baby. Adoptees lose it. Adoptees need to reclaim it. That will be my gift to her.

3/12/2006  

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