Wednesday, February 01, 2006

For a Birthmother...

I have already written one post today and I feel the need to write another one.

I always thought I could grasp the absolute pain a birthmother must go through giving up a child for adoption. I thought I could put myself in her shoes being an adopted child. I never held onto anger towards my birthmom, I never held onto resentment, hostility, sadness.... Before I met her I knew she must have loved me so much to be able to give me up. I knew that because that is what my mom always told me.

When I would think about my birth mom before meeting her, she was this anonymous person who maybe looked like me, talked like me, sang like me... or rather I talked like her, looked like her or sang like her. I thought I was able to see the pain she went through, but as I get older the more I realize I could try but never succed there.

Recently I got lucky by having a birth mom stop by the blog here and write me a note. At first I was suprized... my ranting here was pretty much for me and of course the few friend of mine who were bribed to read it. I did not think anyone else came by, but there was Kim.Kim dropping me a note. So I went and read through her blog, and then through the blogs of other birth mothers on her site and I have never felt so unprepared for the feelings I was reading about. I am not sure I can truely explain, but something in me kinda broke... and not in a bad way.

All this time, 33 years, I thought wow must have been hard for my birth mom. But that statement does not even come close to what it must have been like for her.

Well I guess this is my really long winded way of saying thanks to Kim.Kim for her honesty and for dropping by here.




Blogger petunia said...

Kim kim's is a good blog to begin with. She is honest about her feelings about all that she went through and continues to go through. I am also adopted and could have written the beginning of this posting. I never thought much about my BM until i was in my 30s. I had to meet her just to see what she looked like, know the story behind my birth and see if i had 1/2 siblings. I had to meet my BF too. I really don't have a lot of desire to have a relationship. It's funny though what we think in our head about them before we meet.
You will read all sorts of things on these blogs - from all points of the adoption triangle. It goes to show you how different we all are.

Blogger said...

Thank you for this, it was so nice to see it here.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. I just meandered to this site while surfing birthmother sites. You have an honest, breezy writing style and this is a great little post. I am an adoptee AND a birthmom. Had a painful, dehumanizing, life changing non-reunion with my birthmom years ago but I look forward to a peaceful, healing re-connection with my daughter someday...on her terms. It's all about power, baby. Adoptees lose it. Adoptees need to reclaim it. That will be my gift to her.


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